Late Morning

Today I Feel Great. Despite Everything That Has Been Happening I Feel Like Finally Something Is Going To Change In My Life. I Don’t Know If It’s For The Worst Or For The Better But I Feel Like Everything Can’t Stay The Same (From Experience) So I’m Hoping The “Something” Won’t Make Things Worst.

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My Emotions…

I Think That I Will Be Crying Myself To Sleep Tonight. Nobody Knows How Much I Really Hurt Because I Don’t Want People To Think I’m Weak. It Hurts Me To Know That My Parents No Longer Trust Me Because Of Some Stupid Idiotic Mistake. And I’m Trying So Hard To Gain A Better Relationship With Them. When I’m Telling The Truth They Prefer To Believe Everyone Else Instead Of Me. I Have No One To Blame It’s My Fault But I’m Trying. I’m Trying To Change And Everything They Don’t Like About Me I Try To Fix It But This Is Who I Am. The Fact That I’m Trying To Change Who I Am For Them Should Count And It Doesn’t. When My Mother Looks Me In My Face And Tells Me She Doesn’t Believe Me Hurts Me So Much And I Don’t Want Her Pity So I Refuse To Cry About This With Her And Show Her How Much It Kills Me. I Feel Like I’m Worth Close To Nothing When My Parents Doubt Me And Chooses Someone Else Over Me. I’m Just Scared ….

Everything Breaks Loose?

Hey Guys Remember When I Told You About My ‘Always Wanna Play The Innocent Role Of A Ex-Best Friend’? Well As Of Yesterday I Am Absolutely Positively Sure I HATE HER! Let Me Explain. Over The Past Few Weeks She Has Been Indirectly Saying Things About Me In Front Of Me. My Parents-Mostly My Mother-Told Me To Ignore It. This Worked For Awhile But Now I’m Tired. I Always Have To Hold My Tongue, Why? I’m Entitled To An Opinion Too. I Felt The Need To Speak Up Yesterday And All Of A Sudden I So Called Said I Wanted To Jump Her And Cursed Her Out. I Was Called Into The Dean’s Office To Explain What Happen And The Parts I Played.

Did I Forget To Mention Her Mother Called My Mother AGAIN? For The Third Time. My Mother Went Ballistic. Her Mom Said I Cursed Her Out And I Know For A Fact That I Didn’t. I Know I Made It Hard For My Parents To Trust Me But I Hate When I’m Telling The Truth And They Won’t Believe Me. Yesterday Night When I Was Telling My Mom The Story I Almost Started To Cry Because She Had This Look On Her Face That Showed She Was Unsure. I Finally Know How It Feels And That Hurts. I Have No Reason To Lie On My Blog. 98% Of You Guys Don’t Know Me So It Doesn’t Matter What I Tell You But I’m Trying To Change Into A 100% Honest Person And I Didn’t Curse At “That Girl.” I’m Furious And I Want This To Be Over, So That I Could Focus On Regaining My Parents Trust.

Mee

So Every Now And Then I Get These Really Bad Headaches. I Get Dizzy A Lot And I’m Hungry Less. I Don’t Want To Draw Attention To It Because I Don’t Want My Parents To Worry Or Take Me Too The Hospital. Maybe It’s Because My Lack Of Sleep Or From Me Overworking Myself. I Don’t Know What These Are Signs Of But I Don’t Want To Scare Myself I’m Better Off Not Knowing. I Just Hope I’m Not Ignoring Something Big.

The Past….

So My Father’s Wife Did My Hair- Haven’t Master Calling Her “Stepmom”-And My Mother Wasn’t Too Happy About It. She Was Really And She Doesn’t Like Her And I Understand. For Nights I Cried Myself To Sleep Because I Didn’t Have A Father And He Was Off With Someone Else. And For Years I Blamed Her But It Wasn’t Mainly Her Fault. It Was My Dad’s, He Left, He Didn’t Call, And He Took Everything…..