My Train Ride

I Was On The Train On My Way Home, And Then I Saw Him. He Got On The Train With His Five Friends And My Attention Instantly Caught To Him. While He Conversed With Three Of His Friends, I Watched Him. I Mean Really Watched Him. No In Some Creepy Kind’ve Way. I Just Tried To See Beyond His Perfect White Smile And Those Grayish Blue Eyes Of His. I Saw No Sad, Angry Or Any Hate In His Eyes Only Love And Happiness And Peace. And It Got Me To Thinking, What If I Knew Him? If I Had The Courage To Stand Up And Be Accepted Or Denied. 50-50 Chance But It Wasn’t A Chance I Was Willing To Take. So For The 10 Minutes I Still Had Left On The Train I Watched Him, And Of Course Our Eyes Met A Couple Of Times, But They Were So Beautiful. If I Had No One Chance To See Him, I’d Call It Fate.

Good Morning ….!!!!

Hello Wonderful People, I Believe Today Will Be A Good Day (Hopefully), Last Night My Mother Was On The Phone With My Father (No Longer Married But Still Interacts) And She Said She Still Haven’t Address My Issues (Referring To When She Found Out About My Belly Piercing-3days ago) So I’m Thinking When She Does Address It Should I Apologize? That’s What She Would Be Expecting Because “It’s The Right Thing To Do” But Come On. She Doesn’t Even Know My Reasoning Behind Taking It Out And I’m Not Telling Her. And I Don’t Want To Get Into All The Details Because She Said She Doesn’t Really Care. And Too Top Things Off, Remember That Ex-Bestfriend After The Whole Tattoo Thing We’ve Have Conflict Like Physical Conflict And She Would Say Little Comment Here And There While My Mother Told Me Not To Engage In It, And One Of Those Comments Were “Every Thinks Karen Is So Innocent Because She Goes To Church, But They Don’t Know The Half Of What She Does.” … If You Look Like :O , That Was My Face Too. Well My Mother Said She’s Glad She Said That And She’s Glad She’s Been Saying Little Things To Me Because I Deserved It And If She Was Too See My Ex-Bestfriend On The Street She Would Tell Her Thank You …. Yes My Mother, The One Who Raised Me Through Hell And Back, The One I Adored, The One I Loved Til The Ends Of The Earth, The One I Looked Up Too, The One That Even Though She Didn’t Trust Me I Trusted Her With All My Heart … Now Look At All The D’s-Raised, Adored, Loved, Looked, Trusted- That’s Where She Put Me …

From Child To Parent

I Went To The Doctor And My Mom Came. Usually She’s Comes In The Room, Nothing New. But My Previous Visit To The Doctor (2011), My Doctor Discovered My Tattoo On My Stomach And The Piercing In My Belly. Conveniently My Mother Wasn’t There. In That Visit My Doctor Explained That Honesty Was A Good Thing And I Should Be Honest And Let My Parents Know. Some Who Read My Blog Knows The Story Of How My Mother Came To Find Out About My Tattoo, (My EX-Bestfriend Got Caught Blah Blah Blah Next Five Minutes I’m Going Down Too, One Word BETRAYAL, Hence The Ex Before Bestfriend) My Parents Were Really Upset, What Parents Wouldn’t Be? They Nearly Killed Me, And In That Time They Told Me If There Was Anything They Should Know About I Should Come Clean And Let Them Know Now. I Was So Scared In That Moment I Said There Was Nothing They Should Know, And I Was Sure Of It. I Hate Being In The Position Where My Parents And I Are On Bad Terms. Prior To That Moment I Removed My Piercing Because I Was Trying To Make My Relationship With My Parents Better. Now In This Present Moment The Doctor Said “I See You’ve Removed Your Piercing But You Still Have Your Tattoo” Right In Front Of My Mother…My Heart Stopped. When My Mother Asked If I Had A Piercing, I Was Honest And Said Yes. She Was So Upset Walked Out And Immediately Called My Father. The Old Me Would’ve Been Balling In Tears Pleading For My Life But I Just Couldn’t. I Had No More Tears. I’ve Been In This Position So Many Times I Am Numb When It Comes To It. I Couldn’t Bring Myself To Cry It Was More Hilarious Than Anything Else. Not Because I Didn’t Care But Because I’m Finally Free.  My Parents Didn’t Understand That I Removed My Piercing To Gain A Better Relationship With Them, Not Appease Them. But Without That Understanding They Said They No Longer Trust Me. Which I’ve Heard Before. But I Can’t Stop Smiling, I Know They’ll Come Around But Until Then I’m On Strike. I Refuse To Have Any Conversation With Them Unless, They Need Me Or I Need Them. Nevertheless I Still Have My Phone Which I’m SHOCKED About, Usually They Would’ve Taken It And I’m Awaiting The Moment. But With Or Without My Phone I’m Happy, I Like To Read And Write So Unless Their Planning To Lock Me In A Room With Nothing … I’ll Be Fine.

My Sensitivity :(

Yesterday I Had To Go To My School To Take My Global Regents (NOT My Favorite Subject) I Stayed Up All Night Studying Preparing Myself For The Thematic Essay.-Fast Forward- So Now I’m Sitting In Front Of This Test Booklet And I’m Just So Confused As To Why They Gave Us A Stupid Theme, Meanwhile The Only One I Didn’t Study. I Told Myself Not To Panic I’ll Do It Last So Could Think. I Do The Multiple Choice, Then The DBQ’s, Then The DBQ Essay, And Now I’m Back On The Thematic Essay. I Look At The Board To See How Much Time I Had Left … 21 Minutes. I Felt The Tears Coming But I Stayed Strong, I Had To At Least Try To Finish. So I Wrote Six Paragraphs Of Crap And Left. As Soon As I Got Outside I Started To Break A Down. I’m Not A Very Good Multiple Choice Taker So I Was Counting On My Essay’s To Help Me Past And I Was So Disappointed. My Friends Were There For Me Trying To Comfort Me While Everyone Else Was Upset That I Was Crying Because The Said They Knew For A Fact I Did Better Than Them And They Laughed At The Fact That They Didn’t Even Get A Chance To Start The Essay… How Stupid Is That. My Achievements Mean The World To Me. People Could Say I’m Sensitive And A Whole Bunch Of Bull But Wherever I Go In Life I’m Pretty Sure I Won’t See Any Of Them There. I’m Passionate About What I Do, And No One Seems To Understand That. I Know I Could Always Take The Test Over, But Failing Affect Me As A Person. I Don’t Think I’m A Failure And I Don’t Think I’m Perfect But I Will Try My Hardest Making Sure I Succeed.