Mistakes Happen; But Am I?

I Always Wonder What The Future Would Be Like. What My Husband Or Kids Would Look Like, If I’m Going To Get My Dream And Be A Writer/Actress/Teacher. Sometimes I Wonder How I Would Treat My Kids, Would I Yell At Them And Make Them Hate Me? Every Time I Get Into An Argument Or Disagreement I Promise Myself I Would Never Allow My Children To Feel What I Feel Like When My Parent Talk To Me. I Won’t Belittle Them Or Try To Patronize Them. Because It Hurts, To Feel Like You Have No Control Over Your Life. To Feel Nothing Matters, Your Just A Child And You Aren’t Supposed To Think Or Experience Things. But That Hurts, It Hurts To Bottle Everything Up With The People Around You Having No Clue What You Go Threw, The Thoughts That Goes Threw Your Head On A Day To Day Basis. I Could Never Imagine My Children Feeling How I Feel Sometimes. I Promise To Never Make Them Feel Like They Were A Mistake, I Sure As Hell Wish Someone Was Here To Tell Me I Wasn’t.

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What Parents Think, What We Know

My Mother Can Be Very Manipulative At Times And I Hate That. Parents Always Feel They Do A Lot And All Kids Have To Do Is Go To School So We Don’t Really Have A “Life”. But Parents Don’t Know The Half Of It. The Constant Studying, Keeping Up With Chores, Of Course We Can’t Miss Our Shows, And Then Boys Are Ten Different Issues By Itself. So See I’m Pretty Busy And That Means I Get Stressed And Tired Like Every Other Person In The World. My Mother Asked Me To Help Her And I Begin To Complain 1) Because When Someone Asks You To Do Something, You Usually Have A Choice, But My Mother Makes Me Do Whatever It Is. 2) Because When She Asked The Day Before It Was Only One Thing And That One Became Several. She Gets Mad At Me, Tells Me Forget It, And To NEVER Ask For Anything Again. Clearly My Mother Needs A Serious Attitude Adjustment And A Some Therapy. Anyone In Their Right Mind Can See How Unfair She Is. Oh Wait That’s Not Even The Best Part, I Asked Her For Money And Got Nothing. How Awesome, Right? -______- Well I’m A Survivor And If She Refuses To Give Me Things I Will Become Antisocial Karen. And She Thinks I Get An Attitude For No Reason. On Another Note I Finally Saw The Movie ‘Big Miracle’ (Old But I Don’t Care) I’m A Sucker For Animals, Especially When Their Helpless. The Whales Were So Adorable And When The Little One Died…. ;( Good Night, Have A Get Day Tomorrow And Enjoy Your Sleep.

Got To Be Kidden’

Just Like Always I’m Unhappy. I Started Off My Day Great, Went To A Movie Screening With My Friends, Had Some Food, Walked Around, And Had A Great Deal Of Fun. That Is Until I Got Home. My Father Called Me And Told Me He Noticed I Had 29 Lateness From September Until Now. Some Of You Know For Part Of The School Year I Stayed By My Fathers House But Now I’m Back With My Mom. He Was Upset, Like Really Upset. I Tried To Explain That Being Late Doesn’t Affect My Grades But Of Course That’s Not What He Heard He Heard ‘I Don’t Have To Get To School On Time Because I’m Smart’ Im Sorry Maybe I’m Delirious But These Two Things Have Different Meanings.-I Begin To Cry Out Of Frustration And Confusion But Mostly Because I’m Sensitive-Then He Starts Calling Me A Liar Because He Asked Me If I Was Getting To School On Time And I Said Yes. WHAT THE HELL! Every Morning I Called My Mom Around The Same Time So 1.That Proves I Leave The Same Time Everyday. 2.And It Just Pissed Me Off That She Was Mad And Didn’t Even Acknowledge The Fact That I Called Her. My Parents And I Have An Agreement If I Get Good Grades I Can Get Gifts. So 91 Average Meant A Laptop And My New Phone. All Of A Sudden I Cant Get It, Why? BECAUSE I WAS LATE TO SCHOOL! Doesn’t That Make Them Liars, Too? They Promised Me Things I Now Can’t Get. They Talked And Talked To Try To Make ME Understand Why I Was Wrong. I’m Sorry I’m Not The Type Of Person To Apologize If I Don’t Think I’m Wrong And I Honestly Don’t Think I’m Wrong. The Train And Bus Run On There Ob Schedule, I Can’t Jump In Front Of Them And Tell The To Go Fast. Im Not Saying Its All There Faults Just Saying It Partially There Faults. I’ve Been In School For 8Months Approximately 6Weeks In Every Month And Out Of All Those Days I Was Late 29 Days. Maybe Theres 30 Days Of School And I Was Late 29 Times, Maybe. Now They Want Me To Go To Sleep Earlier, I Didnt Know They Controlled My Sleep. Only God Does And I Know For A Fact My Parents Aren’t God. I Hate My Parents-Well Their Actions But That’s Apart Of Them So I Sumed It Up. Maybe If I Start Failing And Be On Time, Everything Would Be Peachy. I Try My Hardest To Please Them But Their So Freaking Ungrateful It’s Unbelievable. I Can’t Be Their ‘Trophy Child’ And Then The Treat Me Like Crap. Sometimes I Want To Yell LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE Really Loud. I May Be Just A Kid In There Books But I’m Old Enough, They Make Me So Unhappy. Sometimes We Have Fun And Play Around But Eventually Reality Sets In, Their Bi-Polar And I’m Offically Done. I Can’t Say I Don’t NEED Them But I’ve Drawn A Box Around Myself And They Aren’t Allowed. Some Could Say I’m Stubborn But I Don’t Care. I Cant Live With This Stress And Pressure. Pedestals Are Really High And Some Eventually Break.

My Emotions…

I Think That I Will Be Crying Myself To Sleep Tonight. Nobody Knows How Much I Really Hurt Because I Don’t Want People To Think I’m Weak. It Hurts Me To Know That My Parents No Longer Trust Me Because Of Some Stupid Idiotic Mistake. And I’m Trying So Hard To Gain A Better Relationship With Them. When I’m Telling The Truth They Prefer To Believe Everyone Else Instead Of Me. I Have No One To Blame It’s My Fault But I’m Trying. I’m Trying To Change And Everything They Don’t Like About Me I Try To Fix It But This Is Who I Am. The Fact That I’m Trying To Change Who I Am For Them Should Count And It Doesn’t. When My Mother Looks Me In My Face And Tells Me She Doesn’t Believe Me Hurts Me So Much And I Don’t Want Her Pity So I Refuse To Cry About This With Her And Show Her How Much It Kills Me. I Feel Like I’m Worth Close To Nothing When My Parents Doubt Me And Chooses Someone Else Over Me. I’m Just Scared ….

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I Feel As Though I Have No Dreams To Set Big Enough To Accomplish. I Can’t See Where My Greatest Point In Life Is. I Can’t Put My Finger On It. And It’s Hard To Feel Like An Outcast. I Want Something That Makes Me Unique, That Separates Me From The World. But There Isn’t. And Sometimes It Hurts To Watch Everyone Move On And Be Happy With Themselves Because They Have That One Thing That Make Them Great. I’m Feel Stuck.