Success Drives

Success Drives Me, But I Could Never Seem To Do It Alone. Every Time I Get A Good Idea Or A Plan About Something I Want To Do I Always Have To Drag Someone Along With Me. I Alternately Put In Most Or All Of The Work. I Don’t Know What I’m Afraid Of I’m All For Independence But Sometimes It’s Nice To Know I Have Someone Beside Me. I Have To Learn In Life There Is Going To Be Things I Have To Do Alone. Certain Things I Can’t Get Help With. The Thought Is Someone Frightening, Like Can I REALLY Make It Alone? By Myself? Well I Guess I’ll Have Too Because 99.99 Percent Of The Time I Spend More Time Dragging The People I Want To Standing Beside Me Instead Of Us Enjoying The Moments Together. My New Motto “Stop Dragging, Start Living”.

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From Child To Parent

I Went To The Doctor And My Mom Came. Usually She’s Comes In The Room, Nothing New. But My Previous Visit To The Doctor (2011), My Doctor Discovered My Tattoo On My Stomach And The Piercing In My Belly. Conveniently My Mother Wasn’t There. In That Visit My Doctor Explained That Honesty Was A Good Thing And I Should Be Honest And Let My Parents Know. Some Who Read My Blog Knows The Story Of How My Mother Came To Find Out About My Tattoo, (My EX-Bestfriend Got Caught Blah Blah Blah Next Five Minutes I’m Going Down Too, One Word BETRAYAL, Hence The Ex Before Bestfriend) My Parents Were Really Upset, What Parents Wouldn’t Be? They Nearly Killed Me, And In That Time They Told Me If There Was Anything They Should Know About I Should Come Clean And Let Them Know Now. I Was So Scared In That Moment I Said There Was Nothing They Should Know, And I Was Sure Of It. I Hate Being In The Position Where My Parents And I Are On Bad Terms. Prior To That Moment I Removed My Piercing Because I Was Trying To Make My Relationship With My Parents Better. Now In This Present Moment The Doctor Said “I See You’ve Removed Your Piercing But You Still Have Your Tattoo” Right In Front Of My Mother…My Heart Stopped. When My Mother Asked If I Had A Piercing, I Was Honest And Said Yes. She Was So Upset Walked Out And Immediately Called My Father. The Old Me Would’ve Been Balling In Tears Pleading For My Life But I Just Couldn’t. I Had No More Tears. I’ve Been In This Position So Many Times I Am Numb When It Comes To It. I Couldn’t Bring Myself To Cry It Was More Hilarious Than Anything Else. Not Because I Didn’t Care But Because I’m Finally Free.  My Parents Didn’t Understand That I Removed My Piercing To Gain A Better Relationship With Them, Not Appease Them. But Without That Understanding They Said They No Longer Trust Me. Which I’ve Heard Before. But I Can’t Stop Smiling, I Know They’ll Come Around But Until Then I’m On Strike. I Refuse To Have Any Conversation With Them Unless, They Need Me Or I Need Them. Nevertheless I Still Have My Phone Which I’m SHOCKED About, Usually They Would’ve Taken It And I’m Awaiting The Moment. But With Or Without My Phone I’m Happy, I Like To Read And Write So Unless Their Planning To Lock Me In A Room With Nothing … I’ll Be Fine.

Got To Be Kidden’

Just Like Always I’m Unhappy. I Started Off My Day Great, Went To A Movie Screening With My Friends, Had Some Food, Walked Around, And Had A Great Deal Of Fun. That Is Until I Got Home. My Father Called Me And Told Me He Noticed I Had 29 Lateness From September Until Now. Some Of You Know For Part Of The School Year I Stayed By My Fathers House But Now I’m Back With My Mom. He Was Upset, Like Really Upset. I Tried To Explain That Being Late Doesn’t Affect My Grades But Of Course That’s Not What He Heard He Heard ‘I Don’t Have To Get To School On Time Because I’m Smart’ Im Sorry Maybe I’m Delirious But These Two Things Have Different Meanings.-I Begin To Cry Out Of Frustration And Confusion But Mostly Because I’m Sensitive-Then He Starts Calling Me A Liar Because He Asked Me If I Was Getting To School On Time And I Said Yes. WHAT THE HELL! Every Morning I Called My Mom Around The Same Time So 1.That Proves I Leave The Same Time Everyday. 2.And It Just Pissed Me Off That She Was Mad And Didn’t Even Acknowledge The Fact That I Called Her. My Parents And I Have An Agreement If I Get Good Grades I Can Get Gifts. So 91 Average Meant A Laptop And My New Phone. All Of A Sudden I Cant Get It, Why? BECAUSE I WAS LATE TO SCHOOL! Doesn’t That Make Them Liars, Too? They Promised Me Things I Now Can’t Get. They Talked And Talked To Try To Make ME Understand Why I Was Wrong. I’m Sorry I’m Not The Type Of Person To Apologize If I Don’t Think I’m Wrong And I Honestly Don’t Think I’m Wrong. The Train And Bus Run On There Ob Schedule, I Can’t Jump In Front Of Them And Tell The To Go Fast. Im Not Saying Its All There Faults Just Saying It Partially There Faults. I’ve Been In School For 8Months Approximately 6Weeks In Every Month And Out Of All Those Days I Was Late 29 Days. Maybe Theres 30 Days Of School And I Was Late 29 Times, Maybe. Now They Want Me To Go To Sleep Earlier, I Didnt Know They Controlled My Sleep. Only God Does And I Know For A Fact My Parents Aren’t God. I Hate My Parents-Well Their Actions But That’s Apart Of Them So I Sumed It Up. Maybe If I Start Failing And Be On Time, Everything Would Be Peachy. I Try My Hardest To Please Them But Their So Freaking Ungrateful It’s Unbelievable. I Can’t Be Their ‘Trophy Child’ And Then The Treat Me Like Crap. Sometimes I Want To Yell LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE Really Loud. I May Be Just A Kid In There Books But I’m Old Enough, They Make Me So Unhappy. Sometimes We Have Fun And Play Around But Eventually Reality Sets In, Their Bi-Polar And I’m Offically Done. I Can’t Say I Don’t NEED Them But I’ve Drawn A Box Around Myself And They Aren’t Allowed. Some Could Say I’m Stubborn But I Don’t Care. I Cant Live With This Stress And Pressure. Pedestals Are Really High And Some Eventually Break.

My Breaking Dawn

Some People May Look At Me As A Little Child Or Someone Inexperienced, Others May Say I’m Mature And Trustworthy. The Problem With These Things Is That I’ve Been Forced To Believe What Others Think I Am Rather Than Who I Really Am. But When What’s Been Told To Me Starts Crashing Because Of Their Opposite Meanings, Where Does That Leave Me? So I’ve Spent Most Of My Morning Trying To Think Of Who I Am And I Came Up With Nothing. So I Figure Without People I Nothing? But I Don’t Want To Believe That. I Want To Know Exactly Who I Am On My Own.

Everything Breaks Loose?

Hey Guys Remember When I Told You About My ‘Always Wanna Play The Innocent Role Of A Ex-Best Friend’? Well As Of Yesterday I Am Absolutely Positively Sure I HATE HER! Let Me Explain. Over The Past Few Weeks She Has Been Indirectly Saying Things About Me In Front Of Me. My Parents-Mostly My Mother-Told Me To Ignore It. This Worked For Awhile But Now I’m Tired. I Always Have To Hold My Tongue, Why? I’m Entitled To An Opinion Too. I Felt The Need To Speak Up Yesterday And All Of A Sudden I So Called Said I Wanted To Jump Her And Cursed Her Out. I Was Called Into The Dean’s Office To Explain What Happen And The Parts I Played.

Did I Forget To Mention Her Mother Called My Mother AGAIN? For The Third Time. My Mother Went Ballistic. Her Mom Said I Cursed Her Out And I Know For A Fact That I Didn’t. I Know I Made It Hard For My Parents To Trust Me But I Hate When I’m Telling The Truth And They Won’t Believe Me. Yesterday Night When I Was Telling My Mom The Story I Almost Started To Cry Because She Had This Look On Her Face That Showed She Was Unsure. I Finally Know How It Feels And That Hurts. I Have No Reason To Lie On My Blog. 98% Of You Guys Don’t Know Me So It Doesn’t Matter What I Tell You But I’m Trying To Change Into A 100% Honest Person And I Didn’t Curse At “That Girl.” I’m Furious And I Want This To Be Over, So That I Could Focus On Regaining My Parents Trust.