Good Morning ….!!!!

Hello Wonderful People, I Believe Today Will Be A Good Day (Hopefully), Last Night My Mother Was On The Phone With My Father (No Longer Married But Still Interacts) And She Said She Still Haven’t Address My Issues (Referring To When She Found Out About My Belly Piercing-3days ago) So I’m Thinking When She Does Address It Should I Apologize? That’s What She Would Be Expecting Because “It’s The Right Thing To Do” But Come On. She Doesn’t Even Know My Reasoning Behind Taking It Out And I’m Not Telling Her. And I Don’t Want To Get Into All The Details Because She Said She Doesn’t Really Care. And Too Top Things Off, Remember That Ex-Bestfriend After The Whole Tattoo Thing We’ve Have Conflict Like Physical Conflict And She Would Say Little Comment Here And There While My Mother Told Me Not To Engage In It, And One Of Those Comments Were “Every Thinks Karen Is So Innocent Because She Goes To Church, But They Don’t Know The Half Of What She Does.” … If You Look Like :O , That Was My Face Too. Well My Mother Said She’s Glad She Said That And She’s Glad She’s Been Saying Little Things To Me Because I Deserved It And If She Was Too See My Ex-Bestfriend On The Street She Would Tell Her Thank You …. Yes My Mother, The One Who Raised Me Through Hell And Back, The One I Adored, The One I Loved Til The Ends Of The Earth, The One I Looked Up Too, The One That Even Though She Didn’t Trust Me I Trusted Her With All My Heart … Now Look At All The D’s-Raised, Adored, Loved, Looked, Trusted- That’s Where She Put Me …

From Child To Parent

I Went To The Doctor And My Mom Came. Usually She’s Comes In The Room, Nothing New. But My Previous Visit To The Doctor (2011), My Doctor Discovered My Tattoo On My Stomach And The Piercing In My Belly. Conveniently My Mother Wasn’t There. In That Visit My Doctor Explained That Honesty Was A Good Thing And I Should Be Honest And Let My Parents Know. Some Who Read My Blog Knows The Story Of How My Mother Came To Find Out About My Tattoo, (My EX-Bestfriend Got Caught Blah Blah Blah Next Five Minutes I’m Going Down Too, One Word BETRAYAL, Hence The Ex Before Bestfriend) My Parents Were Really Upset, What Parents Wouldn’t Be? They Nearly Killed Me, And In That Time They Told Me If There Was Anything They Should Know About I Should Come Clean And Let Them Know Now. I Was So Scared In That Moment I Said There Was Nothing They Should Know, And I Was Sure Of It. I Hate Being In The Position Where My Parents And I Are On Bad Terms. Prior To That Moment I Removed My Piercing Because I Was Trying To Make My Relationship With My Parents Better. Now In This Present Moment The Doctor Said “I See You’ve Removed Your Piercing But You Still Have Your Tattoo” Right In Front Of My Mother…My Heart Stopped. When My Mother Asked If I Had A Piercing, I Was Honest And Said Yes. She Was So Upset Walked Out And Immediately Called My Father. The Old Me Would’ve Been Balling In Tears Pleading For My Life But I Just Couldn’t. I Had No More Tears. I’ve Been In This Position So Many Times I Am Numb When It Comes To It. I Couldn’t Bring Myself To Cry It Was More Hilarious Than Anything Else. Not Because I Didn’t Care But Because I’m Finally Free.  My Parents Didn’t Understand That I Removed My Piercing To Gain A Better Relationship With Them, Not Appease Them. But Without That Understanding They Said They No Longer Trust Me. Which I’ve Heard Before. But I Can’t Stop Smiling, I Know They’ll Come Around But Until Then I’m On Strike. I Refuse To Have Any Conversation With Them Unless, They Need Me Or I Need Them. Nevertheless I Still Have My Phone Which I’m SHOCKED About, Usually They Would’ve Taken It And I’m Awaiting The Moment. But With Or Without My Phone I’m Happy, I Like To Read And Write So Unless Their Planning To Lock Me In A Room With Nothing … I’ll Be Fine.

On-Again, Off-Again

Good Late Morning, Remember That On-Again Off-Again Boy I Was Telling You Guys About? Well I Was Speaking To Him Yesterday. I’m Trying To Cut Off All Communication Because I Know He Can’t Just Be Friends With Me. Throughout Our Whole Conversation I Felt As He Didn’t Want Me For Me But Because I Was Safe And Unpredictable. But I Deserve Better, Right? Now I’m In School And I See Him And It Had Me Thinking, Could I Have Been That Naive? All Along Right In Front Of My Eyes What I’ve Been Trying To Protect Myself From I Was Playing With. I Was Fighting Fire With Teenage Love. But Love Isn’t What It Was At All, I Was In Love With The Idea Of Being In Love, Not Him. But What IF I’m Just Fooling Myself To Make It Easier To Walk Away? If I Am It’s Working But Walking Is What Im Doing.

Everything Breaks Loose?

Hey Guys Remember When I Told You About My ‘Always Wanna Play The Innocent Role Of A Ex-Best Friend’? Well As Of Yesterday I Am Absolutely Positively Sure I HATE HER! Let Me Explain. Over The Past Few Weeks She Has Been Indirectly Saying Things About Me In Front Of Me. My Parents-Mostly My Mother-Told Me To Ignore It. This Worked For Awhile But Now I’m Tired. I Always Have To Hold My Tongue, Why? I’m Entitled To An Opinion Too. I Felt The Need To Speak Up Yesterday And All Of A Sudden I So Called Said I Wanted To Jump Her And Cursed Her Out. I Was Called Into The Dean’s Office To Explain What Happen And The Parts I Played.

Did I Forget To Mention Her Mother Called My Mother AGAIN? For The Third Time. My Mother Went Ballistic. Her Mom Said I Cursed Her Out And I Know For A Fact That I Didn’t. I Know I Made It Hard For My Parents To Trust Me But I Hate When I’m Telling The Truth And They Won’t Believe Me. Yesterday Night When I Was Telling My Mom The Story I Almost Started To Cry Because She Had This Look On Her Face That Showed She Was Unsure. I Finally Know How It Feels And That Hurts. I Have No Reason To Lie On My Blog. 98% Of You Guys Don’t Know Me So It Doesn’t Matter What I Tell You But I’m Trying To Change Into A 100% Honest Person And I Didn’t Curse At “That Girl.” I’m Furious And I Want This To Be Over, So That I Could Focus On Regaining My Parents Trust.

Naughty Or Nice

So Today My Enemy The Person That Used To Be My Best Friend Tested My Patience. Weeks Ago She Had Her Mother Call My Mother To Tell Her She Was Scared Of ME And She Doesn’t Want Me To Hit Her. I’m Not A Violent Person But Just Like Everyone Else In The World I Get Mad, Hurt, Frustrated, Sad, Etc. Therefore My Mother Asked Me Not To Touch Her. Now I’m In The Autotorium And She Purposely Sat Behind Me And Had Her Hands On The Back Of My Chair. See I Changed. The Old Me Wouldn’t Give A Damn About What My Mother Wanted And I Would’ve Hit Her But The New Me Maintains A Level Of Self Control. And Now The Whole Period While Her And Her Friends (My Ex-Friends) Sat There And Talked About Me I Ignored And Tried To Let It Past. But Now I’m At My Boiling Point I Fell Like A Push Over. If She’s So Scared Of Me Why Does She Insist On Talking About Me. The New Karen Is Coming Back Because I Refuse To Be The Bigger Person For Much Longer. Everyone On My Side Wants To Hit Her And Say Things Too Her But I Don’t Allow Them Because I Don’t Care But NOW My Mind Has Changed.