I like him

I like him so much it hurts, when I’m with him everything lights up. I forget about everything, school, my problems, tests, friends, and I like that. And he makes me laugh, and he handles me. It’s scary the way I’m falling for him. It’s sad because I think I have to tell him that I can’t be his friend, if that’s what we are. And I have to tell him I can’t have sex with him or spend the night because it’s not working the way it was supposed too. But I knew what it was, I know it’s just a fling and I know he doesn’t look at me the way I look at him, he doesn’t even see me that way. And I’m setting myself up for failure thinking I could just wait until the school year is over and he graduates, and we’ll move on with our lives like it never even happened. But when I’m not with him, all I want is to be with him, texting him, talking to him, but not really I just want to know how he feels. I’m afraid he might not even feel a way, he probably didn’t put any thought into it. I’m not sure of anything, but I’m sure that I’m falling, hard. And I love myself enough to stop myself from falling for someone who won’t catch me.

Advertisements

Blinded By Hurt

I’m Not A Selfish Person, I Know I Can Have Everything That I Want. But When You’ve Been Waiting Like Three Years For Something, You Want It More Everyday. It’s Just Not Fair That For A Person That Has To Work For Everything She Wants, It’s Always That Person Or That Thing That Doesn’t Thing You Deserve It. I Watch People Who Don’t Deserve Anything, Who Don’t Have To Work For Anything, Get Everything. It Wasn’t My Choice To Be Here But The Least I Could Decide Is The Little Things I Want. I Don’t Really Ask For Anything Because I Believe If I Want Something, I Have To Be Responsible And Get It On My Own. But Every Once In A Blue Moon I Can’t Control Everything And I Can’t Decide Things On My Own And I Have To Wait For Others.-If I Was Him She Wouldn’t Have Cared If HE Apologized, Because Her Love For Him Would Be More. If I Was Him, I Could Say Anything I Want, Even If She Cried And Know By Tomorrow, I’ll Still Have Her On My Side. But I’m Not Him, I’m Me And She Always Wants An Apology, Makes Me Cry, And It’s Not Us Against The World.-It’s Me Against The World. Every Time I Cry, I Remind Myself, This Is Why I Work So Hard, Because I Never Want Anyone To Make Me Cry Again.

Success Drives

Success Drives Me, But I Could Never Seem To Do It Alone. Every Time I Get A Good Idea Or A Plan About Something I Want To Do I Always Have To Drag Someone Along With Me. I Alternately Put In Most Or All Of The Work. I Don’t Know What I’m Afraid Of I’m All For Independence But Sometimes It’s Nice To Know I Have Someone Beside Me. I Have To Learn In Life There Is Going To Be Things I Have To Do Alone. Certain Things I Can’t Get Help With. The Thought Is Someone Frightening, Like Can I REALLY Make It Alone? By Myself? Well I Guess I’ll Have Too Because 99.99 Percent Of The Time I Spend More Time Dragging The People I Want To Standing Beside Me Instead Of Us Enjoying The Moments Together. My New Motto “Stop Dragging, Start Living”.

Gay Rights!

I Strongly Support Gays Because I Feel They Are People Just Like People Who Aren’t Gay. Saying Gays Don’t Belong Is Like Saying Whites And Blacks Don’t Go Together. What Bothers Me Is That All These Years People Have Fought For Equal Rights And Still Patronize Us. Just Because We Don’t All Share The Same Interest In People Doesn’t Mean Gays Don’t Belong. They Have Feelings Just Like Us And Have A Right To Everything Just As Much As Anyone Else. I Also Have A Issues When People Say God Didn’t Make Man For Man Or Woman For Woman, But He Made Us All Didn’t He? He Loves Us All N Matter What We Do Or Who We Are With He Love Us Unconditionally. Yes I Know Everyone Isn’t Comfortable With The Idea But This IS The 21st Century. Everything Isn’t Perfect But I Believe You Should Be Happy. The World Should Be Focusing On Politics, The Economy, Soldiers, Etc … Yes I’m Only Fifteen And Many Might Say I Don’t Know Much. But I Know We Should Be Happy With Whoever We Want To Be Happy With. Our Ancestors Didn’t Fight For Equality So We Could Single Out Another Group Of People. So By Doing That We’re Making What They Fought SO Hard For Pointless.

Cards…

I’m Like A New Deck Of Cards. I Look Nice And Fun To Play With And When You Get Bored I’m Here. You Lose Me, Look For Me, Find Me, And Put Me Back In My Box So Next Time When Your Ready You Know Where To Find Me. Over Time As You Keep Using Me For What I Have, I Get Worn Out And Old. Even When You Grow Out Of Me And Forget About Me, I’m Still Here. I’m Here When Days Get Lonely And You Want To Find Yourself. I’m Here When You Need To Sort Things Out. And That Just The Thing, I’m Always Here. Even When I Get Hurt, I’m Here. Even When I’m Forgotten, I’m Here. But At the End Of It All, I’m Just A Pack Of Cards. I Can’t Control How You Feel About Me Or Why. I Can’t Control Your Lost Of Interest. I Cant Control How You Treat Me And Use Me. I Cant Control That Even After I Know How Things Are, I Get Caught Up And Lose Self Meaning. But I Can Control The Game, So Chose Your Cards Wisely.

Summer Things ….

My Cousin, My Sister, And I Are Starting A Band. We All Sing,  I Play The Guitar, My Cousin Plays The Piano, And My Sister Plays The Drums; Perfect …. We Came Up With A Name And We Just Have To Put Ourselves Out There. One Problem, Keeping Up With Everything, When Schools Starts Back We Are Going To Get Caught Up In Our School Life. Yeah We’ll See Each Other 24/7 But It Won’t Be The Same. We’ll Have New Problems And Our Band Would Be The Last Thing On Our Minds But We’ll Try.

Mistakes Happen; But Am I?

I Always Wonder What The Future Would Be Like. What My Husband Or Kids Would Look Like, If I’m Going To Get My Dream And Be A Writer/Actress/Teacher. Sometimes I Wonder How I Would Treat My Kids, Would I Yell At Them And Make Them Hate Me? Every Time I Get Into An Argument Or Disagreement I Promise Myself I Would Never Allow My Children To Feel What I Feel Like When My Parent Talk To Me. I Won’t Belittle Them Or Try To Patronize Them. Because It Hurts, To Feel Like You Have No Control Over Your Life. To Feel Nothing Matters, Your Just A Child And You Aren’t Supposed To Think Or Experience Things. But That Hurts, It Hurts To Bottle Everything Up With The People Around You Having No Clue What You Go Threw, The Thoughts That Goes Threw Your Head On A Day To Day Basis. I Could Never Imagine My Children Feeling How I Feel Sometimes. I Promise To Never Make Them Feel Like They Were A Mistake, I Sure As Hell Wish Someone Was Here To Tell Me I Wasn’t.