My Sacrifice

Being A Parent Comes With Scarifies. It Seems As If The World Doesn’t Understand That, Because It’s Like I Owe You Something. But I Never Asked To Be Here, Or To Take Up The Life That Has Been Force Upon Me. And Because Of The Position You Hold In My Life I Have To Give You Respect And Sit Here Humbly. I Also Realize Our Relationship Is Taking A Turn When I Begin Counting Down The Days Where I Can Support Myself, Where I No Longer Am Your Responsibility, Where The Word Disrespect Becomes Speaking My Mind, Where You Stop Being The Reason I Cry. And I Thought You Wanted Me To Be Great, To Accomplish The Things That I’ve Imagined In My Dreams. But It Make No Sense To Push And Encourage Me When You’re Also Going To Be The Thing That Hinders Me, That Deceives Me Into Believing That I Am Something Great. When My Life Is In The Palms Of Your Hand, And You Won’t Give Me What’s Mine To Take. Because I Never Asked To Be Here. I’m Just An Insignificant Piece Of The World That Could’ve Been Changed With The Fate Of One Egg. And Somewhere In Between, When Did Your Sacrifices Become Mine? And When Did I Have To Give Up Everything Just To Appease Your Sacrifice. But If This Life Was Never My Choice, Why Does It Have To Be My Lost? And Now I’m Giving Up Hope And Love, And Belief And Trust Because The Things I’m Supposed To Get Them Out Of Has Died. Being Here Wasn’t My Choice, But I’m Living By Choice, So When Do I Get To Take Over This Ride…

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Because I’m Strong

I Have To Act Like Things Don’t Faze Me. And I Have To Hold Back All The Tears That, I Always Want To Cry. I Have To Smile Even When I’m Dying Inside. And Even When Words Are Piercing My Skin Like A Dozen Bullets, I Have To Grind My Teeth And Act Like Everything Is Okay. Because I Have To Be The Strong One, At 17, I Have To Protect Everyone Around Me, And As A Result, I End Up Being The Only Person That Gets Hurt. I’ve Learned To Accept That. Pain And I Are Like Best Friends Because It’s A Constant Reminder That I Have To Keep Fighting For What I Want. I Found It Funny That In The Bible It Says, It Rains On The Just And The Unjust. And Rain Is Supposed To Be Considered This Bad Thing, And Yet, I Like The Rain. I Have To Act Naive, Like I Don’t Hear The Whispers And Hear My Name Through Walls, Because If I Choose To Become How Everyone Labels Me, I Wouldn’t Be Able To Survive In The World I Live In.

Type A Personality

Today I Was Told From A Person I Just Met That I Have A Type A Personality. I Succeed In Everything That I Do But When I Stumble Upon New Challenges I Quit. I Was Also Told I Often Get Upset When I Don’t Understand Things And Tend To Beat Myself Down. And That I Need To Keep Pushing Myself To Realize It Isn’t That Hard. If I’m Being Honest With Myself, I Must Admit It’s True. Then I Found Myself Asking Myself Am I Afraid Of Failure? That’s Hard To Determine Since I Make Myself Thrive At What I Do, And Before I Reach The End Of Something That I Realize Is To Hard I Stop. I Am Afraid Of Being Hurt And Not Understanding Something Does Hurt Me. Many People Have Talents, And Knowledge Among Others Is Mine. I Find Myself Questioning, Is This Something I Need To Work On To Become A Better Person?

In Actuality… Me Without Complications

Sometimes I Make Some Really Bad Decisions. Decisions That Affect Other People. And I Find Myself Literally Crying Myself To Sleep Because I Got Into To Bed Feeling Horrible About Myself, When A Lot Of People Don’t Care About Me Or How I Feel. As A Result I Don’t Let Myself Love Or Trust Because I’m Afraid To Be Hurt. Because I Feel Like I’ve Made So Many Bad Decisions That Karma Has Caught Up To Me And Will Leave Me With Nothing. Nothing To Call Mine. Because I Feel Like Everything I Get Is Bound To Be Taken Because I’m Selfish And It Took Having Nothing To Realize That. It Takes Pain To Make Me Realize It’s Real, I Don’t Know How To Just Be Me Without Complications.

Success Drives

Success Drives Me, But I Could Never Seem To Do It Alone. Every Time I Get A Good Idea Or A Plan About Something I Want To Do I Always Have To Drag Someone Along With Me. I Alternately Put In Most Or All Of The Work. I Don’t Know What I’m Afraid Of I’m All For Independence But Sometimes It’s Nice To Know I Have Someone Beside Me. I Have To Learn In Life There Is Going To Be Things I Have To Do Alone. Certain Things I Can’t Get Help With. The Thought Is Someone Frightening, Like Can I REALLY Make It Alone? By Myself? Well I Guess I’ll Have Too Because 99.99 Percent Of The Time I Spend More Time Dragging The People I Want To Standing Beside Me Instead Of Us Enjoying The Moments Together. My New Motto “Stop Dragging, Start Living”.