My Sacrifice

Being A Parent Comes With Scarifies. It Seems As If The World Doesn’t Understand That, Because It’s Like I Owe You Something. But I Never Asked To Be Here, Or To Take Up The Life That Has Been Force Upon Me. And Because Of The Position You Hold In My Life I Have To Give You Respect And Sit Here Humbly. I Also Realize Our Relationship Is Taking A Turn When I Begin Counting Down The Days Where I Can Support Myself, Where I No Longer Am Your Responsibility, Where The Word Disrespect Becomes Speaking My Mind, Where You Stop Being The Reason I Cry. And I Thought You Wanted Me To Be Great, To Accomplish The Things That I’ve Imagined In My Dreams. But It Make No Sense To Push And Encourage Me When You’re Also Going To Be The Thing That Hinders Me, That Deceives Me Into Believing That I Am Something Great. When My Life Is In The Palms Of Your Hand, And You Won’t Give Me What’s Mine To Take. Because I Never Asked To Be Here. I’m Just An Insignificant Piece Of The World That Could’ve Been Changed With The Fate Of One Egg. And Somewhere In Between, When Did Your Sacrifices Become Mine? And When Did I Have To Give Up Everything Just To Appease Your Sacrifice. But If This Life Was Never My Choice, Why Does It Have To Be My Lost? And Now I’m Giving Up Hope And Love, And Belief And Trust Because The Things I’m Supposed To Get Them Out Of Has Died. Being Here Wasn’t My Choice, But I’m Living By Choice, So When Do I Get To Take Over This Ride…

Trust

So I Haven’t Really Been On And I Need To Change That … But I Had A Deep Conversation Today About Trust And Why I a Don’t Trust Anyone In Terms Of Guys. Well My First Ideal Relationship, (My Parents) Wasn’t Really The Best So I Saw That As A Child And I Knew That’s Not How I Ever Wanted My Relationships To Be To I Don’t Do Relationships Or Trust Period. So My Childhood Is Still Affecting Me And I Don’t Know How To Deal With That

My Emotions…

I Think That I Will Be Crying Myself To Sleep Tonight. Nobody Knows How Much I Really Hurt Because I Don’t Want People To Think I’m Weak. It Hurts Me To Know That My Parents No Longer Trust Me Because Of Some Stupid Idiotic Mistake. And I’m Trying So Hard To Gain A Better Relationship With Them. When I’m Telling The Truth They Prefer To Believe Everyone Else Instead Of Me. I Have No One To Blame It’s My Fault But I’m Trying. I’m Trying To Change And Everything They Don’t Like About Me I Try To Fix It But This Is Who I Am. The Fact That I’m Trying To Change Who I Am For Them Should Count And It Doesn’t. When My Mother Looks Me In My Face And Tells Me She Doesn’t Believe Me Hurts Me So Much And I Don’t Want Her Pity So I Refuse To Cry About This With Her And Show Her How Much It Kills Me. I Feel Like I’m Worth Close To Nothing When My Parents Doubt Me And Chooses Someone Else Over Me. I’m Just Scared ….