My Sacrifice

Being A Parent Comes With Scarifies. It Seems As If The World Doesn’t Understand That, Because It’s Like I Owe You Something. But I Never Asked To Be Here, Or To Take Up The Life That Has Been Force Upon Me. And Because Of The Position You Hold In My Life I Have To Give You Respect And Sit Here Humbly. I Also Realize Our Relationship Is Taking A Turn When I Begin Counting Down The Days Where I Can Support Myself, Where I No Longer Am Your Responsibility, Where The Word Disrespect Becomes Speaking My Mind, Where You Stop Being The Reason I Cry. And I Thought You Wanted Me To Be Great, To Accomplish The Things That I’ve Imagined In My Dreams. But It Make No Sense To Push And Encourage Me When You’re Also Going To Be The Thing That Hinders Me, That Deceives Me Into Believing That I Am Something Great. When My Life Is In The Palms Of Your Hand, And You Won’t Give Me What’s Mine To Take. Because I Never Asked To Be Here. I’m Just An Insignificant Piece Of The World That Could’ve Been Changed With The Fate Of One Egg. And Somewhere In Between, When Did Your Sacrifices Become Mine? And When Did I Have To Give Up Everything Just To Appease Your Sacrifice. But If This Life Was Never My Choice, Why Does It Have To Be My Lost? And Now I’m Giving Up Hope And Love, And Belief And Trust Because The Things I’m Supposed To Get Them Out Of Has Died. Being Here Wasn’t My Choice, But I’m Living By Choice, So When Do I Get To Take Over This Ride…

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Trust

So I Haven’t Really Been On And I Need To Change That … But I Had A Deep Conversation Today About Trust And Why I a Don’t Trust Anyone In Terms Of Guys. Well My First Ideal Relationship, (My Parents) Wasn’t Really The Best So I Saw That As A Child And I Knew That’s Not How I Ever Wanted My Relationships To Be To I Don’t Do Relationships Or Trust Period. So My Childhood Is Still Affecting Me And I Don’t Know How To Deal With That

Early Morning Epiphany

I Haven’t Been On Here In Awhile And I Didn’t Think My First Post Would Have Been Me Upset And At 2:16 am On A Friday Morning. I Went Out And Prior To That I Asked My Father for My Keys, The Keys By The Way That I Lent To Him Because He Had “Visitors” Staying At His Home. He Said No And Now I’m Calling Everyone And Their Mother To Open The Door For Me And Everyone Wants To Move All Slow Like I Wasn’t Waiting Outside. And The Door Slams If You Don’t Catch It And On This Particular Occasion The Very LAST Thing On M Mind Is Catching The Door Because Now I’m Upset. As A Result Of That My Baby Sister Destiny Starts To Cry. Let Me Just Point Out That This Could Have All Been Avoid If He Had Just Given Me The Keys. It’s Clear To Me Now That There Isn’t Enough Space In This House For Me. Now That My Father And His Wife Has Their Baby, She Has Taken My Spot, Kind Of What Some People Wanted All Along. But I’m Old Enough And I’m Able To Understand The Things I Couldn’t Understand When I Was Younger. I Can’t Even Be Hurt, I’m Just So Pissed Off Because It’s Like When I Was Younger All Over Again. He Wasn’t There Then, Apparently He Won’t Be Here Now.