My Choice?

So I Have Been Back And Forth Between My Mom And My Dad. But Currently I Stay With With My Dad 24/7 Excluding Weekends. My Mother Brought It To My Attention That At The End Of February I Would Be Coming Home. One Problem, February Ends Today And I’m Not Even Sure My Father Knows If/When I’m Moving Back To My Moms. But He Knew From The Start It Wasn’t A Permanent Move. I’ve Actually Grown To Get Closer To My Father And I Enjoy Spending Time With Him. But This Move Also Made Me Realize How Much My Mother Means To Me. I’m Afraid This Isn’t Going To Be Easy And I Don’t Want To Be The One To Choose Between Them But I Don’t Want To Jeopardize Our Relationship. If I’m With My Mom I Get To Be With My Sister More Unlike When I’m By My Father’s And Have To Talk To Her On The Phone. The Worst Part Of It All Is That I Want To Be With My Mom Just As Much As I Want To Be With My Dad.

Today.

My Day Was Okay. I Was Walking To School Telling My Self That Today Was Going To Be Great And No One Was Going To Take That From Me. But I Guess I Was Wrong. I Got So Annoyed Over Every Little Thing. I Honestly Don’t Know What It Is. Sometimes I Feel Like People Are Holding Me Back And I Let Them.

Naughty Or Nice

So Today My Enemy The Person That Used To Be My Best Friend Tested My Patience. Weeks Ago She Had Her Mother Call My Mother To Tell Her She Was Scared Of ME And She Doesn’t Want Me To Hit Her. I’m Not A Violent Person But Just Like Everyone Else In The World I Get Mad, Hurt, Frustrated, Sad, Etc. Therefore My Mother Asked Me Not To Touch Her. Now I’m In The Autotorium And She Purposely Sat Behind Me And Had Her Hands On The Back Of My Chair. See I Changed. The Old Me Wouldn’t Give A Damn About What My Mother Wanted And I Would’ve Hit Her But The New Me Maintains A Level Of Self Control. And Now The Whole Period While Her And Her Friends (My Ex-Friends) Sat There And Talked About Me I Ignored And Tried To Let It Past. But Now I’m At My Boiling Point I Fell Like A Push Over. If She’s So Scared Of Me Why Does She Insist On Talking About Me. The New Karen Is Coming Back Because I Refuse To Be The Bigger Person For Much Longer. Everyone On My Side Wants To Hit Her And Say Things Too Her But I Don’t Allow Them Because I Don’t Care But NOW My Mind Has Changed.

Self Centered .

Everyone Tells Me I’m Full Of Myself But I Honestly Think I’m Not. I Just Feel Too Put Myself First Because It’s Easier To Safe Guard Myself That Way. Sometimes I Feel As If All The People Who Are Self Centered Do It Without Knowing. But I Admit Sometimes Its Nice To Have All The Attention On Me But Sometimes I Want To Be Left Alone. I Don’t Constantly Take Pictures Of Myself And Think Of Myself Better Than Everyone Else, I Just Safe Guard Myself. So Think About It, Am I Really Self Centered ?

My Ex-Love

I Could Say I Am In Love But With Whom? Someone Who Already Moved On And Left Me To Pick Up The Pieces Of My Heart. I Knew I Was Still In Love When He Could Still Hurt Me And He Wasn’t Even Mine. I Found Out He Has A New Girlfriend And That’s When I Had My Big Wake Up Call. He Didn’t Even Tell Me, I Had To Find Out. We Made A Promise That After We Broke Up We Would Still Have Our Friendship. And Yet I Find Myself Hating Him Because He Can’t Tell Me He Has A Girlfriend. I Feel Guilty Because I Pushed For Him To Move On And He Has And Now I’m Stuck. And Now I’m Left Crying Questioning If Our Love Was Real. I Can’t Tell Myself I’ve Moved On Because I Haven’t. I Can’t Bring Myself To Use Someone To Make Myself Feel Better Because Of How I Feel Now.

Interpreting The Quote

“I will never let my schooling interfere with my education.” – Mark Twain.

I Agree With This Quote Because No Matter What People Teach You In Life It Comes Down To What You Know To Be True. If You Grew Up Doing Something A Certain Way Or Acting A Certain Way, It’s Because You Were Taught Not Because You Picked It Up One Day On Your Own. I Believe You Are Who You Are For A Reason, Right?

Untitled

I Feel As Though I Have No Dreams To Set Big Enough To Accomplish. I Can’t See Where My Greatest Point In Life Is. I Can’t Put My Finger On It. And It’s Hard To Feel Like An Outcast. I Want Something That Makes Me Unique, That Separates Me From The World. But There Isn’t. And Sometimes It Hurts To Watch Everyone Move On And Be Happy With Themselves Because They Have That One Thing That Make Them Great. I’m Feel Stuck.

Expectations.

Why Do People We Love The Most Set The Highest Standards For Us? Is It Because We’re Great? Or Is It Because We Need The Push. I’ve Come To The Realization That It’s Because Of Love. We Put Our Family (Parent, Siblings, Uncle, Aunts, Etc…) On A Pedestal And Expect The World From Them Because We Expect Them To Be Perfect. We Expect Them To Not Fail And Always Do Right By Us. But How Can We Ask Someone To Do Something, We Can’t Do Ourselves?

New Day, Old Beginnings .

I Feel Like The Same Things Are Happening And I Have No Control Over It. When I Finally Feel That Things Are Going To Change I End Up Disappointed. Am I The Bad Guy? I Spend Days Reevaluating My Life But Still NOTHING Changed.