Endless Struggles

Some People Are Living In A World Where Their Biggest Problem Is They Didn’t Do Their Homework, Or They Forgot Today Was Monday.. But Some People Like Me Aren’t That Fortunate, And I’m Wondering If I’ll Even Have A Home To Go Home Too. Stuck Wondering When Is Enough Ever Going To Be Enough, Because The Struggles Seems Endless And There Just Isn’t That Much Fight Left In Me. It’s Not Like I Don’t Try. I Try My Hardest And Yet It’s Like There’s Everything Working Against Me. Sometimes I Just Want To Stand On Top Of The Highest Building And Scream, Just To Share My Pain With The World…..

Alone But Not Lonely

I Ask Myself, Why Do I Constantly Want To Be Alone. I Often Come Up Short With Answers, However That Doesn’t Last Too Long. People Annoy Me, Things Annoy Me, The World Annoys Me, And I’m Stuck Hating Everything And Everyone. I Just Don’t Understand Some People, Or Maybe It’s Just Me. Maybe My Definition Of Friendship Isn’t The Same As Everyone Else. Or Maybe I’m Crazy And I’m The One Who Has To Change. But Yet, I’m Keeping Everyone Happy, And I’m Stuck With The Same Problems. Different People, Different Days, But The Same Situations. And I Tolerate It, Why? Beats Me, Because I Honestly Don’t Know. When Is Enough, Enough? When Can I Finally Be The Person That’s Not Okay? When Can I Have Fun And Not Be So Serious All The Time? When Can I Be Myself And Not Adjust To The Person Everyone Want Me To Be? When Can I Just Be Me? Everyone Wants Me To Change But They Can’t See They’re Making Me The Person I Am Today. Angry, Doubtful, Unsure, Emotionless, Uncaring, Anti-social, And The List Goes On… I’m Living In A World With So Much People, And Yet I’m Alone. But I’m Not Lonely.

Type A Personality

Today I Was Told From A Person I Just Met That I Have A Type A Personality. I Succeed In Everything That I Do But When I Stumble Upon New Challenges I Quit. I Was Also Told I Often Get Upset When I Don’t Understand Things And Tend To Beat Myself Down. And That I Need To Keep Pushing Myself To Realize It Isn’t That Hard. If I’m Being Honest With Myself, I Must Admit It’s True. Then I Found Myself Asking Myself Am I Afraid Of Failure? That’s Hard To Determine Since I Make Myself Thrive At What I Do, And Before I Reach The End Of Something That I Realize Is To Hard I Stop. I Am Afraid Of Being Hurt And Not Understanding Something Does Hurt Me. Many People Have Talents, And Knowledge Among Others Is Mine. I Find Myself Questioning, Is This Something I Need To Work On To Become A Better Person?

In Actuality… Me Without Complications

Sometimes I Make Some Really Bad Decisions. Decisions That Affect Other People. And I Find Myself Literally Crying Myself To Sleep Because I Got Into To Bed Feeling Horrible About Myself, When A Lot Of People Don’t Care About Me Or How I Feel. As A Result I Don’t Let Myself Love Or Trust Because I’m Afraid To Be Hurt. Because I Feel Like I’ve Made So Many Bad Decisions That Karma Has Caught Up To Me And Will Leave Me With Nothing. Nothing To Call Mine. Because I Feel Like Everything I Get Is Bound To Be Taken Because I’m Selfish And It Took Having Nothing To Realize That. It Takes Pain To Make Me Realize It’s Real, I Don’t Know How To Just Be Me Without Complications.