I like him

I like him so much it hurts, when I’m with him everything lights up. I forget about everything, school, my problems, tests, friends, and I like that. And he makes me laugh, and he handles me. It’s scary the way I’m falling for him. It’s sad because I think I have to tell him that I can’t be his friend, if that’s what we are. And I have to tell him I can’t have sex with him or spend the night because it’s not working the way it was supposed too. But I knew what it was, I know it’s just a fling and I know he doesn’t look at me the way I look at him, he doesn’t even see me that way. And I’m setting myself up for failure thinking I could just wait until the school year is over and he graduates, and we’ll move on with our lives like it never even happened. But when I’m not with him, all I want is to be with him, texting him, talking to him, but not really I just want to know how he feels. I’m afraid he might not even feel a way, he probably didn’t put any thought into it. I’m not sure of anything, but I’m sure that I’m falling, hard. And I love myself enough to stop myself from falling for someone who won’t catch me.

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Haunted By Your Past

I Honestly Think The Past Eventually Catches Up With You… Today I Was By A Person That I No Longer Ever Wanted To Speak To. A Person I Was Upset With And Couldn’t Even Imagine Talking To Again Apologized To Me. Why? I’m Not Really Sure. And After That I Realized I Wasn’t Even Mad Because I Didn’t Care. So I Found Peace In Something I Had Forgotten About.

My Train Ride

I Was On The Train On My Way Home, And Then I Saw Him. He Got On The Train With His Five Friends And My Attention Instantly Caught To Him. While He Conversed With Three Of His Friends, I Watched Him. I Mean Really Watched Him. No In Some Creepy Kind’ve Way. I Just Tried To See Beyond His Perfect White Smile And Those Grayish Blue Eyes Of His. I Saw No Sad, Angry Or Any Hate In His Eyes Only Love And Happiness And Peace. And It Got Me To Thinking, What If I Knew Him? If I Had The Courage To Stand Up And Be Accepted Or Denied. 50-50 Chance But It Wasn’t A Chance I Was Willing To Take. So For The 10 Minutes I Still Had Left On The Train I Watched Him, And Of Course Our Eyes Met A Couple Of Times, But They Were So Beautiful. If I Had No One Chance To See Him, I’d Call It Fate.

Buenas Tarde

Good Afternoon, 🙂 , I Spent Monday Until Today At My Father’s House To See My Grandfather’s Departure. Today Has Been Pretty Good, Nothing Gone Wrong So Far. I’m Less Petulant And More Calm Even Though I’ve Thought About Smacking People. I’m Focused On Becoming Better In Spanish So I Can Speak It Fluently. I Discovered Today A Whole Bunch Of Boys (3) Has Suddenly Taken An Interest In Me. Unfortunately, Yo Quiero Solomente Una Persona Pero Otro Tomó Su Corazón, But I’m Okay With It And I Respect The Decision Porque Now I Can Learn There Are Bigger Problemas Besides Mine.

On-Again, Off-Again

Good Late Morning, Remember That On-Again Off-Again Boy I Was Telling You Guys About? Well I Was Speaking To Him Yesterday. I’m Trying To Cut Off All Communication Because I Know He Can’t Just Be Friends With Me. Throughout Our Whole Conversation I Felt As He Didn’t Want Me For Me But Because I Was Safe And Unpredictable. But I Deserve Better, Right? Now I’m In School And I See Him And It Had Me Thinking, Could I Have Been That Naive? All Along Right In Front Of My Eyes What I’ve Been Trying To Protect Myself From I Was Playing With. I Was Fighting Fire With Teenage Love. But Love Isn’t What It Was At All, I Was In Love With The Idea Of Being In Love, Not Him. But What IF I’m Just Fooling Myself To Make It Easier To Walk Away? If I Am It’s Working But Walking Is What Im Doing.

A Horrible Day And Still Counting…

Good Night Or Should I Say Good Morning. Today Was So Good, I Tell Myself This And I Am Fine With It. I’m Taking Control. I Realized This Day Was Going Too Perfect And I Was Prepared For Reality To Set Which It Did Eventually. I Lost My Earring In School And Had To Go Home Earring-less. Earrings Bring Out My Face So On My Way Home I Was ‘Plain Jane-Well Plain Karen But-‘ And Then I Get Home, Time Has Past And I Discover My Tablet Broken. It Is White When I Turn It On And I Don’t Even Understand How That Came About. I Was At School All Day And I Didn’t Touch It Until That Very Moment. I’m Upset At This Point, It Was A Gift And When I Told My Mother She Said The Most Unbelievable Thing To Me “Well You Want To Be Careless…” CARELESS? CARELESS? I Know For A Fact That I Am Not, I Take Care Of What’s Mine Because I Value My Things. I Know For A Fact That I Do, For A Fact. At That Point I Just Wanted To Go To Bed, I Go To Brush My Hair And I Placed My Glasses On The Sink And It Broke. What The Hell? I Didn’t Drop It Hard I Would Never, You Know Why? Because I Need It To See. I Could See Without Them But Everything Becomes Clearer. So As You Can See I Had A Horrible Day And It Hasn’t Ended Yet. 😦 😦 :(- Good Night.